Boobs – an appreciation

Somebody asked the question about what men like about boobs on my Twitter feed.

Not wishing to compress my thoughts into 300 or less characters, I decided to try to do this topic justice.

I have been privileged to explore many different types, sizes and shapes of female scenery. It still, after many years, represents one of my great, personal, male pleasures.

This is dedicated to female scenery everywhere, of all sizes and shapes.

An Ode To Boobs

An interesting question was asked on my Twitter feed the other day: what do we men who claim to be breast men actually like about boobs?

The answer that many people typed was some variant of: I like all boobs.

That is easy to say, but the question got me thinking in and around the following topics:

1. Why do I like boobs? How did that start?
2. What do I like about boobs?
3. Do I have “favorite” boobs?
4. What really matters about boobs

 

1. Why do I like boobs and how did that start?

A good question. In my home town in the Western UK, when growing up, there were lots of curvy women. The infamous, often-unrealistic fashion model archetype of slender frame, flat stomach, small breasts, and legs that start just below the ears dates from the late 1960s. Before then, women were always expected to be curvy. (Not that breast life was perfect prior to the late 1960s. Does anybody remember the hilarious and totally non-breast-shaped conical bra?).

But the blame, (if you can call it that, says he, a man who believes that you are responsible for your own thoughts and actions), has to be directed towards one of my primary school teachers.

In addition to being a fine piano player (I would sit and listen to her for hours when she played piano for fun in the assembly hall, sometimes in the lunch hour, because she was very fluid, with a level of sensitivity that some piano players never acquire), Mrs Harris (none of us, mere pupils, were allowed to call her by her first name, that would have been an unforgiveable breach of protocol in 1964) had clearly been visited by the breast fairy, possibly more than once. She had a very large pair of broad, swooping breasts, which she did try to hide, not very successfully, under loose blouses and sweaters.

Mrs Harris was divorced, not a common state of play at the time in still-socially-conservative England, (I remember overhearing a parent at a school sports day tut-tutting about THAT). She had a daughter, born 1 year before me, who also inherited her looks and curves, because I would see her at local nightclubs before and during my time at college, and she had a younger, higher, rounder version of her mother’s impressive scenery. Unsurprisingly, she seemed to spend a lot of her time swatting prospective male suitors away like flies. But then, when every item of your Saturday nightclub attire seems to leave your impressive cleavage displayed, that is what tends to happen.

So in answer to the question: how did this start? That’s my story and I am sticking to it.

Yes, I know, it’s not at all convincing, but it’s all I have.

I would also say that I am mostly unimpressed by the model body. While I can appreciate the visuals, I never look at images and think “now there is a woman I would like to know a lot better”. Now show me a classically curvy lady, without a flat washboard stomach, or long legs, but with character and contours, and my reaction may well be rather different.

 

2. What do I like about boobs?

Weellll…this is where it gets complicated.

Although I could say that I like most boobs, the real truth is that I like large boobs.

Large, but not ludicrously large. Those enormously ballooned round breasts acquired by exotic dancers and escorts who are seen plying their trade in glitzy places like Sin City? Um, no. That takes you into the sort of female upper body that is more parody and satire than something real or useful.

Of course, the target (if you can call it that) has moved over time. In the late 1960s, Russ Meyer caused a sensation with his series of sexploitation movies, many of them featuring highly scenic women. Today, many of the women that Russ used in his movies would be regarded as nowhere near large-chested by many. The rise (haha) of the breast augmentation industry changed many of the visual parameters for women, beginning in the early 1980s.

The era of massive fake boobs has shifted some ideas and perceptions. Which is odd in many ways, since the sort of breasts being carried around by the exotic dancers et al are truly Too Big To Be Practical. Yet they clearly do appeal to an audience.

Leaving that evolution aside, the definition of “large” still remains hopelessly subjective. I once expressed admiration for a woman with what I termed “large” breasts and showed her image, only to be informed by a lady acquaintance that the breasts in question were “ludicrous”. As in, she considered them to be ludicrously big.

I think you can infer from that that my definition of “large” is larger than some people’s own definition. Of course, if (like a girlfriend of my second wife) you have what she self-effacingly referred to as “two fried eggs”, then anything D cup or larger will look rather large (she wore an AA cup bra, which made me wonder why, except for reasons of propriety, she would ever wear a bra).

That being said, I do like and admire smaller breasts, especially if they have some unique characteristic.

I also have no issue with breasts that droop or sag. All breasts tend to “go South” over time, and for me, the high almost hemispherical breasts that many women who have augmentations like, because they look great in (say) an evening gown, are not that interesting to me, because they do not look real. They look like somebody’s idealized view of what breasts should look like in zero gravity. The giveaway is whether they move and undulate and bounce when the woman is not bolt upright. I have seen some of the augmented breasts not moving at all. This looks odd.

The appeal of breasts for me is initially visual. For me, large breasts make women look more imposing. This is especially true with women who have a broader upper body and chest. The most common conformation of women is when their hips are their widest point. The chest being the widest point is a conformation more normally found in men, but for me, it is actually attractive on women.

Again in my youth, I was visually attracted towards a female lifeguard at one of the local swimming pools. She had a very broad chest, with small breasts, but the breasts were broad-based, and she had a small posterior. She was, of course, an excellent swimmer and diver, and had a military style of walk that accentuated the imposing nature of her upper body. She had perfect teeth and short wavy blonde hair bleached by the pool water. There was a certain swagger in her walk and bearing that said “yes, I am fit, confident and good looking and don’t you forget it”. She would then prove it by climbing to the top diving platform, doing a still, wide handstand, with her body perfectly pointed, and then pushing off, to enter the water with no splash. That…was style. The imposing upper body was, for me, her best asset.

Another other visual component is…backboob. The almost silhouette form of a large pair of breasts when seen from almost behind a woman has some unique, promise-laden appeal.

The third (and more uncommon) visual component is the movement of breasts when the lady walks. Some women wear bras that do allow a certain amount of breast movement, and sometimes breasts will sway or undulate slightly as the woman walks.

One reality that I always accept is that big natural boobs also usually mean curves in other places. The sort of woman that you encounter from time to time, with a slender body, small posterior, but large breasts? That is a very uncommon body type. Curvy girls generally have curves everywhere. They are also not going to have slender legs. That is OK, since I actually like women with powerful legs.

3. Do I have favorite boobs?

As you might guess, there are two dimensions to that answer. There is the visual, (aka me admiring scenery from afar, on images, and possibly more close-up). Then there is the tactile.

Visual

This is in many respect, a bit easier to quantify. My favorite breasts have the following fundamental characteristics:

• Large

Yes, I may have already mentioned this. Haven’t I? Having said that, all sizes can be attractive. Except the ludicrous blown-up-balloon ones.

• Broad-based

Some breasts, especially augmented ones, have a small base. Others, mostly natural ones, but a minority, have a broad base. I just prefer the look and imposing nature of broad-based breasts. To my idiosyncratic eye, they make the breasts more like an integral part of the upper body, rather than two objects added later to the front of the chest. The rather weird two-half-oranges augmentations do look great under clothing, but look less natural au naturel.

All large breasts will, no matter how initially high and round, obey the laws of gravity. If they do not, I am immediately thinking “maybe these are not all the lady’s own work”. Some women’s breasts lose tissue mass as they get older, or as the result of post-childbirth body changes (one thing I have come to appreciate over the years is that childbirth is hard on women’s bodies, in multiple ways).

Saggy is not a bad thing. It can make breasts more malleable, playable. I also love the transformation when droopy breasts are liberated from clothing. Suddenly they are…free, and if you are a privileged man, they are suddenly in their natural state, available for visual and tactile appreciation. As I am fond of saying, hours of fun guaranteed.

You will notice that I have not said anything about nipples. To me, nipples are a small part of the visual impression of a breast. Of course, one can sometimes determine, in an intimate situation, what the current sexual arousal state is by their behavior. But when my visual appreciation field is stimulated, nipples do not impinge on my appreciation processes.

One other aspect that has to be mentioned is Presentation.

Sometimes, women have a way of presenting their breasts, in indoor and outdoor or water clothing, that makes the difference between “hmmmm” and “OhMyGodBringThemToMeNow”. And it does not necessarily involve skimpy clothing that leaves little to the imagination. Of course, some part of the presentation philosophy reflects the thoughts and emotions of the woman.

Can I be more specific? Well, the only thing I would say is…if you have a large pair of broad-based breasts, make sure that they look like they are trying to escape from any swimsuit. But…sometimes, when I see a woman who clearly has large breasts (yes, I have breast visual radar) but is trying to hide them, it triggers all sorts of privately delightful “what if…” thoughts and scenarios.

One final aspect is…Liberation. Liberation is one activity that any breast man finds to be delightfully enjoyable. Allowing the girls to fall free from bras, nightdresses, swimsuits that are too small…all of these are an exciting prelude to more foreplay.

Tactile

This is much more private and infrequent. When you are privileged to play with a fine pair of breasts, it can result in an entry to a zone of sensuous plenty, where soft, curvaceous objects of various sizes magically appear in your hands, to be weighed, felt, massaged and manipulated. One of my favorite plays is to stand behind the woman and weigh and feel her breasts, especially if she likes having her neck kissed. My other favorite play is to suck on each nipple in turn. But, in practical terms, I will be guided by what the lady wants, needs or appreciates. It’s not just about me.

The tactility is, for me, greatly enhanced if the breasts in question have a natural feel, with no hardness This is is often a challenge with augmented breasts, particularly the high round ones, which can feel hard and un-natural. Some artificial breasts can feel pretty natural though.

The practicality of savoring a fine pair of breasts is that holding them in your hands, either from in front or behind, is a delight in itself. Many moons ago, I even defined a (tongue-in-cheek) measure of breast size that I term the British Standard Handful (BSH). My favorite breasts, from a size perspective, are around 3-4 BSH.

There may be limits on your ability to massage and just play with them. Some redheads have sensitive breasts and skin, and you must respect that if you value your life or sexual capabilities. At the end of the day, you are a privileged person. Respect the priorities, needs and limits.

All of this enjoyment is greatly increased if there is a positive response when I play with the lady’s breasts. Sometimes this does not happen. Many years ago, I got to spend some time with a woman who had a stunning-looking pair of very large, clearly augmented breasts. However, when I played with her breasts, she did not react in the slightest. This was disconcerting. In that case, the lack of reaction extended to other aspects of the sexual experience. I tentatively concluded that for her, her breasts were objects of pose, not to be used for sensual and sexual play. (I also detected a narcissistic edge that was a negative influence).

 

4. What really matters about boobs?

When all is said and written, whether or not I have run out of rhapsodic words in the meantime, this is an important question to be considered.

The most important answer is nothing to do with me.

How the lady owners like and feel about them.

At the end of the day, I can admire female upper body scenery from a distance, close up, or in a tactile sense, but the woman is the owner, I am merely a voyeur, close-up visual guest, or play guest, and if the woman is not happy with her breasts, that is a challenge.

I will give you an example. I have a lady friend who has bilateral breast hypertrophy, a rare condition that some women find themselves grappling with. She has a magnificent set of large, round, wonderful looking breasts, at least to my eyes. However, her breasts are continually, slowly, increasing in size. While they look great, and are much appreciated by her lovers, they have entered a zone which I think she might describe as Too Big To Be Practical.

She has already had one breast reduction surgery, over 10 years ago, but now her breasts have grown again, and she has decided to have another reduction. In her opinion, the girls have gotten out of hand, size-wise, and the impacts on her body could become damaging soon. The impacts extend to clothing and bra fittings (as my wife can attest, she now buys most of her bras from Bravissimo).

Will I be disappointed if her magnificent scenery becomes less…visually impressive? Sure I will. But at the end of the day, she has to live with her boobs 24×7. I don’t. So my views on her scenery are of no real importance.

One Final Thought

I am going to conclude this essay by reminding you of a fundamental rule.

A fine pair of breasts is part of the attraction. It is not THE attraction.

I fell in love with my wife, not because she has a fine pair of breasts (which she does), but because we had shared interests, likes, dislikes and common aspirations. I fell out of love with my second wife, even though she also had a fine pair of breasts, because we were fundamentally incompatible personality-wise. The breasts could not save that relationship. (And no, before you ask, I am not totally oriented towards big breasts. My first wife was an AA cup.)

Breasts are a fine attraction, capable of providing hours of male visual and possibly tactile pleasure and enjoyment, and (hopefully) reciprocal enjoyment by the woman, but they are not a life-raft capable of starting, or saving a defective or failed relationship.