The world of conversation is full of Tells.
Tells are those words, phrases or sentence formations that signal some of the underlying attitude and pathology of the writer or speaker.
Many Tells are prefaces or beginnings to sentences or explanations.
Some of those Tells are rather obvious to everybody. For example, beginning a statement with the phrase “with respect” is usually the prelude to a dismissal of an idea, person or group. Effectively, it is an attempt at pre-inoculation. The sub-text is “I have no respect for your view, but I have to pretend to”.
Another dismissive phrase disguised as a pre-inoculation is “My friend…”. This is usually used by somebody who is definitely not your friend, who is attempting to dismiss some idea, position or affiliation.
The roots to some of these Tells lie in Old England, where, even if you hated somebody, or their ideas and opinions with a passion, etiquette and protocol would absolutely forbid you beginning a sentence with something like “look here, you absolute moron…” To this day, in the House of Parliament in the UK, members refer to each other as “M’learned Friend” or “My Right Honorable Friend”, even when they really want to say “the gibbering idiot on my right”.
A modern Tell of dismissal in social media is “dude”. When somebody communicating with me begins a sentence with “Dude,” I know that they are about to either dismiss me or excoriate me. Usually, the person is somebody with whom I have no personal relationship, and they often have a confrontational and assumptive interpersonal style that does not allow for considerate reading and the use of the Principle of Charity.
My initial response to the use of “Dude” is a simple one. I unfollow the person. I have a deep dislike of people who try to pre-inoculate obnoxiousness. It comes from being a sensitive person who was dismissed way too many times by others in my formative years, for no other reason than that I was from “the wrong part of town” (i.e. public housing). I grew wearily used to hearing dismissals, wrapped up in shiny nice-sounding language, preceded by a Tell. I had to tolerate a lot of it as I navigated my youth and adolescence.
Not any more. If people want to signal dismissal, I will receive, process the signal and take appropriate action. I am nearer the end of my life than the beginning, so I will not waste time on negative conversations.